Tag: humor

A Totally Awesome Idea

On By MaryIn Observations & MusingsLeave a comment

I was sitting in my car yesterday at the McDonald’s drive-thru (yeah, I know I’m trying to lose weight – but I was hungry!) and the car in front of me had a license plate that said “Historical” at the bottom. Now I have seen license plates that said “Antique” for an old car, but never “Historical” – add to that the fact that the car was not an old car at all, and my curiosity was piqued. That got me to thinking…

Wouldn’t it be cool if every vehicle owner was required by law to display their cellphone number on the rear of their car?! That way I could have just dialed the woman’s number and asked her “what the hell does the “Historical” on your license plate mean?”

Think about it, you’re driving along and you see someone with a wobbly tire. You could just call them and warn them of this danger. Or you could let the soccer mom in the minivan in front of you know that at least 5 of her kids have escaped from their seatbelts. Or find out just what that bumper sticker that you can’t quite read says. Road rage could be carried out in a less violent and more technologically advanced manner. And, you wouldn’t have to try to pull up next to that cute blond and try to get her phone number – YOU ALREADY HAVE IT – and I’m sure she wouldn’t mind if you called her up right there on the spot to see if she would like to go out with you sometime.

The possibilities are endless! Call your state representatives today and tell them you would like to see this law passed in your state during the next legislative session.  I’m sure it will pass without any controversy!

“M”

Sometimes You Have to Stand Up for Yourself

On By MaryIn Observations & Musings2 Comments

This morning I woke up and decided that today I was going to assert myself. I was not going to put up with people walking all over me. I put on my slippers and bathrobe and went outside to smoke a cigarette. This was when my first opportunity to stand up for myself arose.

I saw a car driving slowly down the street and then some kid just threw some trash right out of the car window and onto my front lawn. I thought, “what the hell? that’s it!” I dropped my cigarette and took off running after the vehicle with its offending passenger. When I finally caught up to the car, huffing and puffing for breath, I tapped on the window and said, “just who the hell do you think you are throwing trash out of your car onto my lawn?”

“Umm, I’m your paperboy.”

I limped home, and went back to bed. Sometimes you have to stand up for yourself, and other times you just have to go lay down and pull the covers up over your head.

“M” – just a note, this is NOT a true story. It just seeped out of my imagination and onto the Internet.

Google Search and Identity Crisis

On By MaryIn Observations & MusingsLeave a comment

Google Search & Identity Crisis

It used to be, years ago, that people would suddenly discover the need to “find themselves.” They would then go off and study various religions and spiritual practices.

Maybe even join a cult.

The point is: they knew that somewhere out there they would come to find themselves.

Today, we have Google.

I searched for myself on Google today, but I was nowhere to be found.

I guess I don’t exist.

Philosopher Rene Descartes once famously said, “I think, therefore I am.” Today it would probably instead read “I’m in Google Search Results, therefore I am.”

-m

Smoking Bans are Bad for Your Health

On By MaryIn Observations & MusingsLeave a comment

Smoking Bans are Bad for Your Health

Cigarettes are bad for you. We all know this. We all hear this pronouncement every day every where. But what they are not telling you is that although cigarettes might cause cancer, heart disease, and a host of other deadly diseases at some future point in your life – there are more immediate threats posed by smoking. These more immediate threats have only come about in more recent years ever since cigarettes started getting banned everywhere you go and smokers are forced out into the dangerous elements in order to have their nicotine fix.

Below is a list of immediate dangers to your health caused by the ban on smoking:

  • Pneumonia. As smokers have been forced outside in all kinds of weather, they now face an increased risk of contracting pneumonia.
  • Skin Cancer. We all know that direct exposure to the sun’s rays causes skin cancer. Smokers, unable to stay inside to smoke during the blistering hot days of summer are now being exposed to the harmful rays of the sun on an unprecedented scale.
  • Hypothermia. We’ve all seen them all huddled together in the ice cold wind and snow in wintertime trying to stay warm. In areas where smokers are few, more and more isolated smokers are forced out into blizzard conditions alone, facing an increased risk of hypothermia. And, if the hypothermia doesn’t get you, the pneumonia will (see #1 above.)
  • Drive-by-Shootings. Office workers, forced to stand outside to smoke in crime-ridden neighborhoods are increasingly becoming the victims of drive-by-shootings as they are innocently caught in the crossfire.
  • West Nile Disease & The Bird Flu. Instead of being allowed to enjoy a smoke in the safety and comfort of enclosed and protected areas, smokers are now exposed to all kinds of diseases which are spread by insects and other forms of wildlife.
  • Malnutrition & Starvation. As the cost of buying cigarettes skyrockets, many smokers and their families are now exposed to the very real risk of malnutrition or even starving to death right here in the richest country in the world. Being forced to choose between food and cigarettes during these difficult economic times is managing to take food right off the tables of tens of thousands of formerly well-fed Americans.
  • Recession and Depression. While political and economic pundits are searching for reasons for the recent economic crisis in America, the real answer is staring us all in the face – huddled outside doorways and on street corners all across the land. As the cost of smoking goes up and up and up, millions of Americans who would have previously been spending money in restaurants, shopping malls and online or investing money in the stock market or savings are instead spending all of their income on cigarettes.

So, you see that the issue of smoking being bad for your health is a lot more complicated than it is usually presented to us by the health care community, politicians, and the media. The next time you see a group of people smoking or a lone smoker in a doorway somewhere, think about the negative consequences of trying to “save” their lives or even your own through harsh anti-smoking legislation.

Remember: Smoking bans & high tobacco taxes are harmful to all of us – smokers & non-smokers alike – and should be avoided at all costs.

-m

Breaking the Law

On By MaryIn Observations & MusingsLeave a comment

Breaking the Law

Have you ever read a product safety manual that came with your hairdryer or toaster or just about anything else? Did you ever notice how some of the safety precautions sound so ridiculous because they are based on such common sense things like “don’t put this hairdryer in the bathtub” and other stuff like that? Well, as most of us know, the reason that manufacturers have been forced to add such ridiculous warnings to products they sell is because someone has or will sue them for not doing so, claiming that “they didn’t know that and should have been warned of the danger.” These people usually win these lawsuits.

Well, this got me to thinking about the “Law.” I was reading a book the other day about some guy’s life. In the book he talks about how he was arrested for car-jacking when he was 16 years old and that because he used a gun to force the driver of the car out of the car when he stole it, he was given a mandatory 8 year sentence even though no one was physically injured. What if this guy had stood up in court and said that he “didn’t know” that he would receive such a hefty sentence just because he had a gun with him during the commission of the crime and that, had he known, he would have left the gun at home. I mean, if this works for idiots who electrocute themselves by bathing with a hairdryer, why not use it in a legal defense too?

“Ignorance of the law is no excuse” is what they say. But come on – they pass dozens of new laws everyday – it really is possible that someone might not know, right? What if they passed a law yesterday that it was now illegal to wear red on Thursday (stupider laws have been passed) and you, not having been made aware of the passage of this law wear your red Phillies shirt today (it’s Thursday) and get arrested? Being a good citizen, you would have not worn the red shirt had you known, but here you are now – in jail. Not fair at all is it.

I think that legislators should be required to adhere by the same standards that product manufacturers are in disclosing the dangers you could face by the passage of new laws. A news blurb is not enough. What if I don’t watch TV? Legislators should be required to mail detailed announcements with the proper warnings to each and every U.S. citizen for the products (Laws) that they “sell” to us. Otherwise, we should be allowed to use as part of our defense, if arrested, “I just didn’t know.” -m