This morning I woke up and decided that today I was going to assert myself. I was not going to put up with people walking all over me. I put on my slippers and bathrobe and went outside to smoke a cigarette. This was when my first opportunity to stand up for myself arose.

I saw a car driving slowly down the street and then some kid just threw some trash right out of the car window and onto my front lawn. I thought, “what the hell? that’s it!” I dropped my cigarette and took off running after the vehicle with its offending passenger. When I finally caught up to the car, huffing and puffing for breath, I tapped on the window and said, “just who the hell do you think you are throwing trash out of your car onto my lawn?”

“Umm, I’m your paperboy.”

I limped home, and went back to bed. Sometimes you have to stand up for yourself, and other times you just have to go lay down and pull the covers up over your head.

“M” – just a note, this is NOT a true story. It just seeped out of my imagination and onto the Internet.