So, my last post was about me promising to post more frequently. That was like 5 years ago! Sorry for being such a fucking liar. It wasn’t intentional lying. Life just overtook me for a while, I guess. The best part is that I have made HUGE changes in my life since then. The best change that I have made is that I’m totally committed to being myself now. No more phony bullshit. In having totally accepted who I am and releasing the fear of expressing myself to everyone in my life just as I am, I have managed to accomplish many of my previous goals fairly effortlessly. So, if you’re offended by profanity and/or raw emotions or dirty truths or unpopular opinions, then I’m sorry to lose you. But I would much rather lose you than ever lose myself again. When I look back on many of the posts I previously made on this website, I want to vomit. Just look at my perfect and happy fucking life! Lies. Lies to myself even. I never thought I was the kind of person to put on a phony face, but apparently I was. That’s not an easy thing to learn about yourself, but is a very valuable lesson. It’s super scary to really get to know yourself and to be yourself in this world. But if you don’t, you will never really be alive. The name of this website is Naked on a Strange Planet, but I’m afraid I was too afraid to expose my “nakedness” (check out the About page) or to really express how strange this planet really is to me.
Category: Re-Inventing Mary
Let’s Catch Up
So, I haven’t really been here for quite some time. I did, briefly, post my intention to get back to blogging a little over a month ago but now I feel the desire to explain where I’ve been and what’s been going on in my life. It’s funny, I used to feel that this blog was insincere and that I didn’t really post anything meaningful or deep – that my life itself lacked real depth and authenticity. I think I was right about that. Things have changed. I have changed. The past few years have really put me through the fire.
My relationship of over 20 years ended shockingly and painfully as I was introduced to the true face of my “life partner” who, it turns out, is a malignant narcissist – a term and a personality disorder that I never even knew existed until I began seeking answers and explanations for the inexplicable.
I lost my home and family and, through an unhappy coincidence, my extended family as well. A few months later I lost my job. I lost interest in all of the things that had previously held any importance to me and my health has suffered considerably.
I am in the midst of making a spectacular comeback and am happier than I have been in a very long time. I am also a changed person. A deeper and more experienced person. I hope to bring this depth and experience to my blog and hope to help others that may be experiencing similar issues (to put it mildly) as those I have experienced and am still going through at present. Of course, I am also still going to keep adding to my Marc Bolan tribute and posting all kinds of random stuff as I did previously as my way of showing gratitude for the fact that I am now able to enjoy my life and the world again. I hope you will join me!
My New Life Plan
In the past, I would often sit down and start a list of new things I was going to start doing and behaviors I was going to change. The list would look something like this:
- Eat healthier
- Exercise more
- Take vitamins
- Quit smoking…
Today, I sat down with the pen and notebook to begin yet another list, having failed to comply with all of the previous plans. Suddenly, it occurred to me that I have been going about this in the wrong way and focusing on the wrong things. My old lists were really all about what I didn’t like about my life and what I wanted to change. Although written in a “positive” format of doing “positive” things, my lists and plans were really all focused on the “negative.”
Therefore, I have created a new list. Maybe my LAST list. I am going to focus on the “positive” this time and, in time, I’m sure that all of the things I wished to accomplish through my previous “life changes” will come about very naturally as a result. I am embracing my life and loving myself instead of trying to change my life and myself. I hope you too will find it thought-provoking and inspirational.
New Life Plan
- Worry about money less.
- Listen to more music.
- Read more books.
- Complain less.
- Smile more.
- Dance!
- Laugh!
- Stop criticizing (myself included).
- Stop second-guessing myself.
- Feel and show GRATITUDE.
- Worry less about EVERYTHING.
- Enjoy and appreciate the wonderful Gift of Life.
Weigh-In Month 3
Here is the report on my weight loss “program”: Today marks the end of month #3 since I’ve started my Paleo Diet plan. I weighed in this morning on my Wii Fit board and have lost another 2.4 pounds since my last weigh-in one month ago. That is a total weight loss of 20.8 pounds in 3 months!
While it’s still good that I’m continuing to lose weight, the amount of weight loss per month has dropped off significantly. I’m not really sure why this is, but am pretty sure that I really need to start adding exercise into my program 😦 Being a pretty lazy person, this represents bad news for me since I wasn’t planning on adding in any real exercising for a couple of months yet. Oh well! I guess I’m going to have to get away from this desk and start walking, dancing, and/or weight training if I want the better weight loss numbers I was getting in the beginning of my “program.”
That aside, I’m still very pleased that my weight-loss is continuing and that I’m still finding it fairly easy to stay on my Paleo Diet plan.
Fuck it. No honesty here.
Originally, I intended this post to be an honest confessional about my failings in life and as a human being. Furthermore, I was going to discuss how even though I can be an absolute, total schmuck to the people in my life who love me, I am always forgiven my failings and continue to receive their love, kindness and companionship. I was even going to make the point that this love and forgiveness is what keeps me going and pushing and trying to become a better person.
But, then, I decided that such matters are way too personal to blog about so I said “Fuck it,” and changed my mind. I guess you’re all going to have do without my honest confessional and sentimental moralizing. Sorry about that – maybe next time.
Weigh-In Time!
I weighed-in today after exactly 2 months on the Paleo diet. I have now lost a total of 18.4 pounds since September 15, 2011. Yeah me! Yeah Paleo!
Pretty soon, if the weight loss starts to taper off, I’m going to begin adding some exercise to my program. Probably some walking and/or dancing.
Thanks to everyone for your encouragement!
P.S. – I’m still feeling great too!
-Mary
Naked On A Strange Planet 