Hey Diddle Diddle
Hey diddle diddle,
The physicists fiddle,
The Bleep jumped over the moon,
The little dog laughed to see such fun
And died the following June.
-Paul Dehn
Borrowed from Reflections on a Gift of Watermelon Pickle
Earth by John Hall Wheelock
Earth
“A planet doesn’t explode of itself,” said drily
The Martian astronomer, gazing off into the air –
“That they were able to do it is proof that highly
intelligent beings must have been living there.”
-John Hall Wheelock
Borrowed from Reflections on a Gift of Watermelon Pickle
Earth by Oliver Herford
Earth
If this little world tonight
Suddenly should fall through space
In a hissing headlong flight,
Shrivelling from off its face,
As it falls into the sun,
In an instant every trace
Of the little crawling things –
Ants, philosophers, and lice,
Cattle, cockroaches, and kings,
Beggars, millionaires, and mice,
Men and maggots all as one
As it falls into the sun….
Who can say but at the same
Instant from some planet far
A child may watch us and exclaim:
“See the pretty shooting star!”
-Oliver Herford
Borrowed from Reflections on a Gift of Watermelon Pickle
Life is Truly Magical
You know what I think is really awesome? Water. The next time you pour yourself a glass of cool refreshing water think about this: Water is made up of two combustible gas elements – Hydrogen and Oxygen – and yet water is what we use to put out fires. This is because when the two elements combine to make water they lose themselves in each other – it’s like falling in love – and water is the offspring created by their union!
Another really awesome substance is Salt. Salt is made up of Sodium and Chlorine. One is a metal and the other is a toxic gas, yet when they “fall in love” they produce something edible and tasty!
I use Water and Salt in these examples because they are both things that I really love and use a lot of. But when you really stop to think about it and look around at all of the things that we come into contact with on a daily basis you will be filled with awe and wonder at the miracle of the world around us. Think of a tree: It starts out as a little seed, add some dirt, some water and some sunshine and before you know it you have a big mass of woody matter! Where did all the wood, bark and leaves come from? It’s like a miracle! Can you imagine a recipe like that – where you end up with way more “stuff” than you started out with? When you make a cake and mix all of the ingredients into a bowl and then bake it, you pretty much end up with the same amount of cake as the batter you started out with (sure, it may rise some, but not much and that is just air anyway). But take a tree, or a human being even, and you see that you get a lot more than what you started with – just add some sun, water & dirt in the case of the tree; or some food in the case of the human being. Wow!
Take some time to look around you and see how amazing and wonderful and Truly Magical Life really is!
“M”
A Totally Awesome Idea
I was sitting in my car yesterday at the McDonald’s drive-thru (yeah, I know I’m trying to lose weight – but I was hungry!) and the car in front of me had a license plate that said “Historical” at the bottom. Now I have seen license plates that said “Antique” for an old car, but never “Historical” – add to that the fact that the car was not an old car at all, and my curiosity was piqued. That got me to thinking…
Wouldn’t it be cool if every vehicle owner was required by law to display their cellphone number on the rear of their car?! That way I could have just dialed the woman’s number and asked her “what the hell does the “Historical” on your license plate mean?”
Think about it, you’re driving along and you see someone with a wobbly tire. You could just call them and warn them of this danger. Or you could let the soccer mom in the minivan in front of you know that at least 5 of her kids have escaped from their seatbelts. Or find out just what that bumper sticker that you can’t quite read says. 
Road rage could be carried out in a less violent and more technologically advanced manner. And, you wouldn’t have to try to pull up next to that cute blond and try to get her phone number – YOU ALREADY HAVE IT – and I’m sure she wouldn’t mind if you called her up right there on the spot to see if she would like to go out with you sometime.
The possibilities are endless! Call your state representatives today and tell them you would like to see this law passed in your state during the next legislative session. I’m sure it will pass without any controversy!
“M”
Sometimes You Have to Stand Up for Yourself
This morning I woke up and decided that today I was going to assert myself. I was not going to put up with people walking all over me. I put on my slippers and bathrobe and went outside to smoke a cigarette. This was when my first opportunity to stand up for myself arose.
I saw a car driving slowly down the street and then some kid just threw some trash right out of the car window and onto my front lawn. I thought, “what the hell? that’s it!” I dropped my cigarette and took off running after the vehicle with its offending passenger. When I finally caught up to the car, huffing and puffing for breath, I tapped on the window and said, “just who the hell do you think you are throwing trash out of your car onto my lawn?”
“Umm, I’m your paperboy.”
I limped home, and went back to bed. Sometimes you have to stand up for yourself, and other times you just have to go lay down and pull the covers up over your head.
“M” – just a note, this is NOT a true story. It just seeped out of my imagination and onto the Internet.
Google Search and Identity Crisis
Google Search & Identity Crisis
It used to be, years ago, that people would suddenly discover the need to “find themselves.” They would then go off and study various religions and spiritual practices.
Maybe even join a cult.
The point is: they knew that somewhere out there they would come to find themselves.
Today, we have Google.
I searched for myself on Google today, but I was nowhere to be found.
I guess I don’t exist.
Philosopher Rene Descartes once famously said, “I think, therefore I am.” Today it would probably instead read “I’m in Google Search Results, therefore I am.”
-m
Smoking Bans are Bad for Your Health
Smoking Bans are Bad for Your Health
Cigarettes are bad for you. We all know this. We all hear this pronouncement every day every where. But what they are not telling you is that although cigarettes might cause cancer, heart disease, and a host of other deadly diseases at some future point in your life – there are more immediate threats posed by smoking. These more immediate threats have only come about in more recent years ever since cigarettes started getting banned everywhere you go and smokers are forced out into the dangerous elements in order to have their nicotine fix.
Below is a list of immediate dangers to your health caused by the ban on smoking:
- Pneumonia. As smokers have been forced outside in all kinds of weather, they now face an increased risk of contracting pneumonia.
- Skin Cancer. We all know that direct exposure to the sun’s rays causes skin cancer. Smokers, unable to stay inside to smoke during the blistering hot days of summer are now being exposed to the harmful rays of the sun on an unprecedented scale.
- Hypothermia. We’ve all seen them all huddled together in the ice cold wind and snow in wintertime trying to stay warm. In areas where smokers are few, more and more isolated smokers are forced out into blizzard conditions alone, facing an increased risk of hypothermia. And, if the hypothermia doesn’t get you, the pneumonia will (see #1 above.)
- Drive-by-Shootings. Office workers, forced to stand outside to smoke in crime-ridden neighborhoods are increasingly becoming the victims of drive-by-shootings as they are innocently caught in the crossfire.
- West Nile Disease & The Bird Flu. Instead of being allowed to enjoy a smoke in the safety and comfort of enclosed and protected areas, smokers are now exposed to all kinds of diseases which are spread by insects and other forms of wildlife.
- Malnutrition & Starvation. As the cost of buying cigarettes skyrockets, many smokers and their families are now exposed to the very real risk of malnutrition or even starving to death right here in the richest country in the world. Being forced to choose between food and cigarettes during these difficult economic times is managing to take food right off the tables of tens of thousands of formerly well-fed Americans.
- Recession and Depression. While political and economic pundits are searching for reasons for the recent economic crisis in America, the real answer is staring us all in the face – huddled outside doorways and on street corners all across the land. As the cost of smoking goes up and up and up, millions of Americans who would have previously been spending money in restaurants, shopping malls and online or investing money in the stock market or savings are instead spending all of their income on cigarettes.
So, you see that the issue of smoking being bad for your health is a lot more complicated than it is usually presented to us by the health care community, politicians, and the media. The next time you see a group of people smoking or a lone smoker in a doorway somewhere, think about the negative consequences of trying to “save” their lives or even your own through harsh anti-smoking legislation.
Remember: Smoking bans & high tobacco taxes are harmful to all of us – smokers & non-smokers alike – and should be avoided at all costs.
-m
Naked On A Strange Planet 