A Praying Mantis on My Ass

Yesterday I saw a beautiful praying mantis on my patio. This morning I came outside and sat in my wicker chair to smoke a cigarette as I do most mornings. Sitting there, I realized that I never looked before I sat and remembered the praying mantis of yesterday. I quickly stood up and looked but saw nothing on the chair. I sighed a sigh of relief. But then I thought, “what if it was there, I sat on it and now it’s stuck to my ass where I can’t see it.” I didn’t and it wasn’t as proven in the photos I took of the praying mantis later in the day (see below), but the incident DID inspire the following stupid poem.

This is my praying mantis poem:

This morning I had a praying mantis on my ass.

I didn’t notice it myself, someone told me it was there.

I must have sat upon it as it perched upon my chair.

I removed my jeans and gently scraped its body onto some paper, brown

As I buried the dead insect, I vowed to always look before sitting my ass down.

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