Posted in Re-Inventing Mary

These Are The Things I Can Do Without

Shout, shout, let it on out…these are the things I can do without – Tears for Fears

This is my life right now:

  • I am unemployed and have been for over a year.
  • I have totally lost confidence in myself as a person with anything valuable to offer to anyone.
  • I am overweight and terribly out of shape and yet my diet consists primarily of junk food and my days consist primarily of sitting at this damned computer.
  • I smoke a pack of cigarettes every day and wake up hacking every morning and still can’t make up my mind to actually quit.
  • I can’t make up my mind about anything or stick to anything that I actually do manage to decide to do.
  • I haven’t driven a car in weeks and only sporadically before that. My fear of driving grows with each day that I refuse to get behind the wheel, and yet I live in a place with no public transportation and am at least 5 miles away from “civilization.” How do I expect to ever get back and forth to a job should I eventually get one?
  • I have many things that I love to do such as playing/recording music, writing, painting, but have spent almost no time at all doing these things during the past year although I have had tons of time on my hands.

I really want to change these things and actually “get a life”, as they say, but feel powerless to do so even though I know that only I can change them. I know that I am responsible for creating the problems in my life and that only I can fix them, but then the days and weeks and months go by as I repeat the same loop over and over again. My life is quickly passing me by and I feel as though I haven’t really lived any of it. This is what I want to start working on RIGHT NOW – no more procrastinating.

 

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